The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Tongue & Fang.

Olga’s Notes:

Note1: When I originally suggested this collaboration, Helena counter-suggested we should just stick to what “we” know and write the most comprehensive guide to Buffy the Vampire Slayer known to mankind; series by series, episode by episode, blow by blow. I said no. After she calmed down a bit, Helena proposed that, at the very least, we ought to have a special page devoted to the genius that is Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly, Angel et al). I said no. She then threatened to burn my house down, with me in it.

‘First, you’ll need to learn how to hold a box of fictional matches with your fictional fingers,’ I said. ‘Tell you what, how about I let you choose a movie to review now and again? But no Buffy references, okay, and no more than, say, two Whedon movies?’

To my surprise, she readily agreed, before returning to her current favourite reads, The Electrical Frequency of Ionized Plasma and From Ectoplasm to Entity. She always was a funny girl… Anyway, by the look on Helena’s face, I believe it’s time to turn the mic over—

Fuel & deliver.

Helena’s Notes:

Note1:—bloody give it already!

Note2: Trust Joss Whedon (and Drew Goddard) to create a mother, father, in fact the entire freakshow clan of murderous motherfucking religious zombie-rednecks of a movie. A proper hell-mouthful of a movie. A horror movie that ends the entire ahem genre.

Note3: The Cabin in the Woods was written by Whedon and Drew Goddard (who made the writing team for Buffy Season 7, so yeah… but I’m not allowed to talk about Buffy am I).

Just goes to show – you can have the best actors, and the zillion dollar budget, and the latest bigshot director in Hollywood, but if you haven’t got the story, you’ll still end up with a self-imploding mess. Script is everything. And as far as I’m concerned, Joss Whedon is a capital G god of script-writing, as well as one very sexy motherfucker.

Bugeyed.